A Haywire Christmas
by Last-Babylonian
Summary: Just a bit of Haywire madness for the Holidays. Hopefully ya'll enjoy it. If you haven't read Not Completely Crazy, this will not make much sense.


**Tis the season…for more MADNESS! This little snippet is just some random Haywire madness for the holidays. Each snippet will be based off some of my fav Christmas songs. Merry Christmas dear readers!**

**Santa Claus is Coming to Town**

"Merry Christmas everyone!" Haywire shouted in her usual hyperactive way as she bounded into the rec room. Her neon green and red attire striking Christmas cheer into the area.

"Merry Christmas, Haywire. What are you up to?" Scarlett said as she was helping hang up some Christmas decorations on the walls.

"Oh just trying to find someone who's willing to play the part of Santa this year. General Hawk was Santa last year so he can't be him this year. Highlander, are you willing to be Santa?" Haywire asked as she moved to help hang decorations.

"Yeah not happening," Highlander said as he lounged on the couch with Duke and Ripcord. Haywire threw a pout over her shoulder at his reply.

"Is anyone willing to volunteer to be Santa?" Haywire asked with desperation. Getting negative responses, Haywire stood her ground and began to ponder who to ask. "Oh I know who I can ask!" Haywire shouted in joy and she threw her hands up in glee.

"Who?" Everyone asked. Haywire simply bolted to the door and leaned her head out the doorway.

"Uncle Slaughter!" Haywire shouted at the top of her lungs. Resounding footsteps could be felt throughout the rec room as a large, muscled man walked down the hall.

"What do you want now, Haywire?" Sergeant Slaughter asked in his deep bass voice. His glare could still be felt through the dark shades that covered his eyes.

"Will you be Santa Claus this year? Please?" Haywire asked, her puppy pout on full power. It seemed to have no effect on the stone cold Sergeant, but as the time ticked by, Sergeant Slaughter caved.

"All alright, I'll be Santa Claus this year. You can thank the fact that you're my niece," Sergeant Slaughter said as he walked away, muttering under his breath about puppy pouts and family. Haywire simply beamed a 1000 watt smile and dashed out of the rec room after her uncle.

"Did the coldest, harshest, and most cruel trainer in the Joes, just agree to play the role of Jolly Saint Nick?" Breaker asked in astonishment.

**Deck The Halls**

"Deck the halls with machine gun bullets, fa la la la la la la la la la," Haywire sang in a childlike manner as she hung up chains of bullets around The Pit. Everyone that walked by simply shook their heads in exasperation at the weapons tech. Heavy Duty however, stopped and watched in slight horror that bullets were being hung up like garland.

"Haywire, why are you wasting perfectly good ammunition?" Heavy Duty shouted in absolute devastation.

"Umm…I thought it would be a nice touch?" Haywire said with a nervous giggle as she watched Heavy Duty's expression change from horrified to amusement.

"You have problems. And I better get those bullets back by the end of the month," Heavy Duty said as he walked away.

"Sir yes sir!" Haywire shouted and mock saluted.

**Where are you Christmas?**

The Alpha team looked on with nervous looks as they watched their favorite weapons tech look around the rec room with a determined look.

"Um honey, what are you looking for?" Snake Eyes signed when Haywire looked in his direction.

"I'm looking for Christmas! Don't you guys know it's missing!" Haywire exclaimed in horror. The others merely sweat dropped.

"Did you just finish watching The Grinch?" Highlander asked.

"Uh huh!" Haywire nodded in excitement. "I love that movie!" Haywire shouted in joy. "But now I need to find Christmas," Haywire said as she continued her search.

"Christmas isn't missing. That song was merely talking about a little girl who was growing up and was beginning to wonder what Christmas means," Scarlett explained gently. Haywire paused and held her hand to her chin in thought.

"That does make sense," Haywire said faintly as she calmly walked out of the rec room.

"Do you think she understands that?" Highlander asked. The others simply laughed and shook their heads no.

**Grandma Got Ran Over by a Reindeer**

It was a boring December day in the Pit. No terrorists were about and all of the Joes were busy finding something to do. This included Ripcord, who was heading through the training area with an armful of boxes.

"I've been reduced from an Alpha team member to a delivery boy. Sheesh what a day," Ripcord said with a sigh as he walked on without knowing what was about to happen.

"Gang way!" Haywire shouted from the back of Sergeant Stone's ATV. Ripcord turned around, and the last thing he saw was the decorated front of the ATV. The boxes were sent tumbling and flying and poor Ripcord was knocked out. Haywire leaped off the ATV and rushed to see the damage.

"Stone! How could you go and hit Ripcord? It's not like he's that hard to miss," Haywire said as she kneeled beside the knocked out pilot.

"Well he should have moved," Stone said with a shrug as he leaned forward. "Are the antlers still on the front?" He asked randomly.

"Yeah the antlers are still on front of the ATV," Haywire said while throwing a pointed look at the unconcerned Sergeant.

**Twas the Night Before Christmas**

Twas the night before Christmas and not a creature was stirring, not even Timber. Who could be found with Haywire sleeping in the rec room. Haywire, who was passed out on the couch, had tried to so hard to stay awake and try to see Santa Claus. Timber however, was awoken by the sound of sleigh bells that only his sensitive ears could hear. He lifted his head and shook it as he saw Old Saint Nick standing next to the tree in the rec room. Santa, seeing that Timber was awake, merely smiled and put a finger to his lips.

"Now now, let's allow young Haywire to sleep in peace," Santa Claus said before he turned and completed his work. Flashing a smile, Santa Claus left the Pit, leaving poor Timber to wonder if he himself was going mad.


End file.
